


Blame It On The Alcohol

by dorkslayer



Series: Bleach Secret Santa 2015 [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Gift Exchange, M/M, bleachsecretsanta2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5484047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkslayer/pseuds/dorkslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Renji falls in love, almost kills himself with a stapler and gets absolutely smashed. But not quite in that order.</p><p>Or, they're both dumb and in love but what did you expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame It On The Alcohol

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Thanks for reading! As always, if you catch a spelling error or grammar mistake, point it out and I'll be sure to fix it. Criticism is always welcome and kudos and comments mean a lot to me!

Renji was starting to believe that his captain had it out for him. Well, he'd always sort of believed that Byakuya wanted him dead, but he had figured that if his captain were going to kill him, that it'd be bloody and gruesome. Not death by boredom.

It had been months since the defeat of Aizen, Soul Society was practically calm, and Renji hadn't been on a single semi dangerous mission since. In fact, he was mostly doing desk work by now. 

Desk work was reserved for unseated squad members most of the time, but everyone knew that If you pissed off Captain Kuchiki, that you wouldn't see the field for weeks. 

And to his knowledge, Renji hadn't done anything wrong recently. Yet here he was, staring down at yet another report, wondering how badly he could maim himself with the office supplies in front of him. He was sure that the stapler could do some serious damage.

That was, of course, the exact moment that Byakuya decided to walk in. His captain was holding a huge stack of paperwork that he unceremoniously dropped down on Renji's desk. 

"I need these reports read over and signed by Tuesday." He commanded icily. Renji was seriously beginning to consider the benefits of death by stapler.

"Yes Taichou." The redhead replied obediently. "May I ask you a question, Taichou?" 

"Of course." Byakuya said briskly, expression unchanging.

"Well um." Renji mumbled. "Have I broken any rules recently?" He asked.

Byakuya raised a delicate eyebrow. "No, or at least nothing that I am aware of." Renji frowned, that wasn't like his captain, if Renji did something wrong, Byakuya would make sure he knew about it.

"Um, I haven't done anything to offend you lately have I?" Renji asked. 

"No. Why do you ask?" The raven haired Taichou asked calmly. Renji swallowed hard.

"No reason Taichou." Byakuya gave him one last glance before leaving the room in a swirl of silk and intimidation.

As soon as his captain was gone from sight, Renji dropped his head down to rest against his desk. If Byakuya wasn't mad at him, then why was he still being punished?

\----------------------------------------------------------

His answer came to him in the form of an unexpected friend. Well, several friends.

The redhead was used to getting invitations to go out drinking with Matsumoto and the other lieutenants but he hardly ever accepted , Byakuya hated when Renji came to work hungover. 

But after the week he'd had, all he wanted was a brief reprise, so he said yes to the tenths Lieutenant and met her at a bar later that evening.

She wasn't alone however, Hisagi and Izuru were both with her, each well on their way to tipsy already. And, surprisingly, she was holding the company of two captains.

Kyoraku and Ukitake had joined them to drink before, but not since the whole Aizen shitstorm had happened. They waved him over and Rangiku slid him a cup of sake.

"So," she said conversationally, "what crawled up Kuchiki's ass and died?" Hisagi spit out what he was drinking in shock, and Ukitake dropped a bottle.

Renji groaned. "I need to be more drunk for this." Matsumoto just smiled.

An hour later, Renji was sufficiently wasted and had a rapt audience for his mental breakdown.

"-he just keeps making me do paperwork. I haven't killed a single hollow in a month. A month Matsumoto." He sobbed. She hummed in understanding and smiled at him. That was when Kyoraku interrupted them.

"Byakuya complained that you had been in the line of fire too much since Aizen's betrayal, I believe his exact words were 'I want my lieutenant to last more than a few years', so Yama-jii said it'd be fine to take you off the field for a while." He giggled. "But we all know the real reason." 

Renji glanced at him in confusion, still processing his words in his addled brain. "Whadda ya mean?" He slurred.

This time it was Ukitake who replied. "Well it's common knowledge that Byakuya was very worried about you when you went to Hueco Mundo. He's been trying to keep you safe." The white hair captain grinned. "He's been very obvious, I thought you knew." 

Renji lurched to his feet. That explained it all, the desk work, and the practical house arrest. It just didn't explain why.

"Why does the captain want to keep me safe?" He asked in bewilderment.

Ukitake gave him a gentle smile. "I should think that would be obvious." He offered.

\-----------------------------------------

Renji made it back to the sixth division in record time. Drunk shunpo wasn't usually a good idea, but this time he made it back marginally unscathed. He stumbled down the division hallways drunkenly until he came upon his captains door.

"CAPTAIN!" Renji shouted, bursting through the doors. Byakuya lept to his feet in surprise, scattering paper every which way. 

"Renji? Wha-" Byakuya started to say, but Renji lurched forward and cut him off with a kiss, leaning over the dest to grab hold of his captains waist. Byakuya made a sound of surprise deep in his throat, but quickly relaxed into Renji's hold. 

Renji broke the kiss suddenly, pulling away to look deep into Byakuya's steely eyes. "I love you too, but if you ever keep me out of battle for my own safety again, I will shove Zabimaru so far up your ass, you'll be tasting steel for weeks."

Byakuya's stunned expression slowly morphed into one of amusement, chuckling, he said, "I should have known you would feel that way." Then, he pressed his lips to Renji's in a chaste kiss that made his knees weak and his young unable to form words. 

Later, he would blame his inability to speak and limb failure on the alcohol, but everyone knew better.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading, I had an awesome time writing this and I hope to get a chance to write more in the future. Please drop a comment or a kudo, they mean a lot to me!


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